Loud Speaker Lullabies

Doh!

What does this animation have to do with what I’m about to say? 

Nothing.

I’m in a really good space right now.

Why?

I was just in the best psychiatric care unit I’ve ever been in my life. It was Indiana University at Methodist Hospital. The place I was born ironically. I had to go because I was having heart palpitation and was not sleeping.

So there are many nightmarish posts in this blog because past experiences in psych wards and staff and psychiatrists and medicine were all scary haunted house experimental guinea pig in and paid for a ticket kind of experiences that let’s just not “keep telling out sad stories.”

The first thing that I noticed while waiting for a room upstairs was a lullaby over the loud speakers. I ask the ind nurse what that tune meant. She said it was a baby being born.

Was I being reborn. I had a feeling of death. Like your so tired you think you faint but you don’t but you can’t sleep. IT’s scary. They believed me when I said.

I hear things.

I feel more than I hear.

My right temporal lobe turns on sometimes & I feel you?

Beings touch me and heal me.

I have telepathy with some people.

I have a parallel universe relationship with a man I have never met.

I have prophetic dreams.

I feel people staring at me.

I can talk to dogs and cats.

I feel like I am in a movie but everyone knows it but me.

I think Jesus is here or I am Jesus but I don’t really want to be more like Jesus had kids related.

I have astral traveled. I was adjusted by aliens that looked like us.

Sometimes I have three heat beats. One is James, One is me and sometimes one is Eddie.

Or shall I say, Edward James Almost?

I’m not sure of these things at all because I can’t prove it quite 100% unless the others feel the same way. I am a scientist and that’s how i roll. I’m not crazy. Just open.

I got scared people didn’t lie me or my Quantum Entangled twin could be upset and the man next door is trying to torment is one reason why I was not sleeping,  hospital. No police would help me. They are kicking me out and I am happy to go. I want only good things for m now

The hospital let me say these things without making me feel bad .No comments about giving me meds for my imagination. 🙂 hmmh?

They had art. The doctor listened to what meds did not work and what did, she gave them to me. There was a nurse outside my door at night. I felt loved. heard and healed. I can’t tell you how much I loved my psychiatrists. ME!? Really.

She was like a Mother figure. They even let me talk to a priest about the things i feel and how to understand God.

One night they let me look at this blog, my blog on a huge ass tv. I mean big. It blew my mind. Look at what I have done? I was so proud. A nurse came by and ask what I was doing and I showed her a video of you. Then I watched a  few scenes from SC & RnR.

She loves that song. She wrote the site down and seemed interested. No psych nurse ever ask to see my art. I just sat there not wanting to write but to star at the colors the

décoration d'art

the way it looked, it looked like something that should be a film.

Then i said goodbye to friends and my family picked me up! My family!? We went to the head shop first thing. My 73 year old Mother looking at glass pipes and bongs. It was awesome. They told me to lunch and shopping for food which I didn’t have.

I’m on meds I can stand, I will just testify at how great

LITHIUM is….

At low does of course and a benzo. That’s all I ever really needed was those anti anxiety as needed when things spin faster in my head and heart I can stand. And if by any chance you are feeling the same thing darling…I”m happy to go for you too.

Thank you for everything IU Methodist C8 ward. God Bless you all.

And thank you for being there every night and when I would get scared you would go away.

And thank you Universe for being birthed there. and fro that star chaser and for being born again in the same place.

Doh!

 

 

Someone Healed Me The Other Night

Something healed me the other night.

Something compels me to write this now.

I was laying on the day bed watching TV with a bowl of soup.

I was uncomfortable.

I have have (had) Interstitial Cystitis.

I had wondered if this was going to happen again.

What happened last summer, when something put tremendous weight on my stomach.

My chakra was full of brown light which is the wrong color really.

I thought maybe whatever or whoever it was meant me harm,

Yet I humbly allowed it to come. I was not in pain then but it’s presence made me frightened and scared. Maybe it was frightened and scared and holding onto to my soul for dear life.

The soup was warm as I felt pain beginning to come.

It touched me as the warm fluids filled me stomach as if it was timing it. To detract from ripping a child’s bandage.

The way I don’t panic is to think of you. Or him. Or both.

Then JC.

And I talk to it as if it were my monster who wants to me my friend.

I ask. Is someone there?

It touched me.

Are you alive?

It touched me

Are you from this dimension?

Two touches

Are you healing me?

Something spooned me from back and held me tight as light did it’s magic on my cells.

Let Go.

Let God.

I went to bed on a pill for pain. Just a bit to keep me calm.

He went to bed with me.

and brought a friend.

I thought of calling another and they said,

We are here, there is no need for others to hear.

Big Ben pointed completely up.

Ring.

Hello?

You doing alright?

Yes. Yes I am now.

Two days no pain.

Only blessed grateful humility for what is just is.

Does this heal you too?

 

 

 

That Dam Dream Door Bell Won’t Stop Ringing

and this one time…

Dam you subconscious.

All these men I know keep showing up in my dreams, uninvited.

Men I’ve never met who are often well known and/or whom I never think about during the day unless I start dreaming about them and then, I can’t stop thinking about them! This has happened to me since I was a child…but that’s another story.

For a long long time, it was the same guy. Eddie Vedder. He knocked on my dream door while dreaming in London in ’93 and relentlessly, made a couple of  lucid

(weird horn sound like there is a ship coming into port in the parking garage in the building next door?)

Violet Beauregard

“Wonka! What is this? The film “Event Horizon?!”

appearances a year til about 2012 when he stopped showing up because some “new guy” was there. …but that’s another story.

Sometimes my night time visitors are men I have known, but on a purely platonic basis. There I am sleeping, minding my own dam business and for fucks sake, suddenly,  I wake up in my dream and there is this friend trying to woo me.

and that’s pretty dam easy since I have been celibate for 4 years! but that’s another story…

I’m usually confused and overtaken and before I know it, and then….”off he goes.”

One night Deepak Chopra showed up.

That was awkward.

He said it was for spiritual purposes. …but that’s another story.

Oh God…(eye roll)

(stop kissing me on the lips while I write this James! This is about someone else) hmmm-which is why he probably is kissing me it’s not about him. Oh wait. Now it is…shit!

Where was I?

(dam! I’m in the balcony at the Richmond Theater?!) Dam you BAFTA Celebrating Downton Abbey Dammit Liz Trubridge!

Oh…

My sweet Dutch friend whom I let go of long ago, showed up in my dreams last night.

Stop!

(Bart he won’t leave me alone while I try to reminisce about you or maybe it’s some weird spirit guide that gets off on doing impressions of Sci Fi actors. Waaa.

Jesus!? He keeps kissing me!

and he never speaks to me. Who is this doppleganger?

ok, I’m not rereading the rest of this entry because it’s pointless.

I don’t remember if I was talking to my subconscious or to Bart. That kiss has me distracted.

In that dream, it was just an embrace. Yet it reminded me of the last time, before he flew away across the sea 4 years ago. I could smell your shampoo and the texture of your red jumper.

I don’t understand what you are trying tell me Mr. Subconscious. It’s not like I don’t speak t him almost daily. It’s a known that we have moved on and we know we can never recreate that magic that started in 2010 that eventually faded into reality. I am so grateful for the journey with him. Being around him, made me feel ageless. Being around him made me feel unconditionally loved.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be mad about these dreams I don’t ask for. Maybe I can change my perspective when I wake up from a dream where someone is loving me again because it’s atrial fibrillation on my sad lonely heart. To remember happiness so I know my waking self can still feel it and achieve it.

Oh how I loved taking care of him when I could. I hope I made a difference in his life. I hope he always knows how magical wooing was. I will never ever forget it.

but I can’t help the tears upon waking wishing I could touch what I just felt so deeply.

Sadness is so beautiful sometimes.

Like Anthony and The Johnsons.

It is better than an imaginary love. So much better because you don’t have imagine holding them.

So I guess I’m not mad at the thoughts I think when I’m asleep. I’m just made at physics because you can’t hug a dream back. But I can remember the feel of his red sweater and the smell of his hair.

For the the first time in my life perhaps, I am proud of my unconditional love for him even as  he speaks with other women and hopefully someday find a woman that suits him. Someone his age.

Because he deserves to have that for his whole life, not just the part until I pass on.

I hope this makes you feel as snug as a bug in a rug.

Darling, you said you weren’t going to re read this?

Yea right.

…But I didn’t perform any copy editing. 

When A Fetus Grows In A Mystic Spiral Symphony

“If we don’t sustain this tuning, if we don’t make the right sounds, the world will fall apart.”

Using sound as a form of healing has been around for thousands of years. In my own battle with depression I have gone to medication again and again with disastrous results. Due to geography, I am not able to access the healers I require. Jill Purce is one of those healers. I find people like Jill through synchronicity and ran upon this video of her about a year ago.

You know when you watch someone and what they say makes you have goosebumps because they resonate that which your soul needs. During the video on about chanting, I thought I noticed she was possibly pregnant and the whole time I found it hard to be present (something) she talks about, because I kept wondering, what would be the effects of chanting while developing in the womb. It must be, well, heaven. Her children must be so lucky to have her as a Mother. Plus she named them Merlin and Cosmo. How cool is that?

So watch the video and I will continue with my thoughts. 🙂

When it comes to my depression, as she speaks about the elderly patients with dementia, I knew that feeling because I have seen it in psych wards where we are all drugged up and no one feels anything. I think back on my last hospitalization knowing I should not have been in there, knowing I was so drugged that I could not cry to think about how lovely it would have been to have seen a Jill Purce come into the ward for therapy. Alternative therapy is what we need for healing. All kinds of healing. Not just mental health. Mental health seems to be especially perfect for chanting in my humble opinion because it does put us in the now.

Many people like myself living with PTSD, which I don’t like to label myself that, but I do so others can identify, many of us can be triggered by a word. Like she said in the video, “mountain” can represent a bad memory of yesterday when we missed an appointment with someone on a hill. For me sadly, a band I loved, that got me through a bad mental health time is associated with that now. I hope someday that heals, ironically that does not mean I give up on music. More on that below.

Back to development in the womb. I think the state of mind our Mothers were in during our beginnings is crucial to who we are now. I don’t know if it’s fixed forever, but certainly it makes up our beginnings. I think I read in India, pregnant women are kept away from frightening things because they don’t want the Mother upset as to upset the fetus. That sounds wonderful to me. During the video I felt as though Jill may have been pregnant. I know both of her sons are musical, but one in particular is doing almost the same work as his Mother.

She speaks about sound at the cellular level. I wish I knew what a fetus’ cells looked like from a Mother who lived in war zones as opposed to Mother’s living in Kauai on the beach surfing everyday. Maybe science could show this to politicians and that would stop war?

I know the work on water and Dr. Emasaru Emoto’s work on The Hidden Message in Water and how thought’s can affect water is along the same lines in science. Sound and thoughts affect us, those around us, our subtle bodies and the world. We are all connected.

On another subject, (you never know which way I will be flowing)

The spiral.

I have been drawing Archimedean spirals since I was a child. Of course I didn’t know what it was until I found about the spiral being an ancient symbol. I just thought it was an ancient

Petroglyph

on cave walls and I liked southwest design. I made a video on the spiral. It’s pretty simple but you can watch or not watch whatever.. I made it before I got Jill’s book.

My headboard has an archimedean spiral on it, but I thought I should be more evolved and I needed more room to grow so I created a logarithmic spiral on my wall. 🙂  Get Jill’s book The Mystic Spiral. It’s a very interesting read with beautiful illustrations.  Here is a documentary she made about the mystic spiral which is really quite religious, which I prefer spiritual, but she is the kind of people I would like to be around.

Since I can’t travel to London to have healing sessions with Jill, (my parents always laughed when I sang, but now I think I can sing because I have listened to Eddie Vedder’s baritone for so long I think I know my range. :D) but I would like to study with her. If even for a day. I feel shy to chant. Even alone. I think listening to myself feels strange. I think that must be a hurdle to overcome for most beginners. Especially for those with mental illness. It has to do with loving yourself and accepting yourself and not labeling yourself and well basically being in the now, which is so hard to do as we are always so traumatized about living in the past or future.

So many so called “normal” people are actually worse at it. So who is really sick here? I think wanting healing is the actually healing.

Her husband Rupert Sheldrake is also a huge inspiration as the work he does and the books he has written for example “The Sense of Being Stared At” and his researched have helped me feel not so crazy. I wrote him once on my psi experiences and it was very difficult to share because if you tell a psychiatrist these things they call you delusional. His research assistant wrote back and thanked me for sharing and acknowledged how hard it must have been to tell my story to strangers. That healed me.

Her son, Cosmo Sheldrake is a joy to watch. He brings a very childlike vibe to music.. Music is very healing for me. I’m almost obsessed with keeping music on at all times that often I forget to be silent. I guess learning to chant would be good for me. He reaches a very deep tone somewhere after 41 minutes that really resonates with me.

I will admit I have a bit of crush.

I just love the whimsical style of his videos. All Cosmo’s videos are very organic. This is a live one.  I dream someday to have my Grandson in on of his workshops.

I love the Sheldrake family. You might say, I have adopted them, they just don’t know it. Maybe now they do. 🙂

Rupert Sheldrake & Deepak Chopra Are An Inspiration To Me

No need to explain.

I named this blog in 2012 God Goes On A Blind Date with Science.

But Then I changed it to Science Goes On A Blind Date With God.

Same difference.

Found this and realized I’m not so crazy.

I do understand some things essentially.

 

Wish I had heard  of Dr. Sheldrake’s research about dogs and telepathy. If I only knew then what I did know then. Poor dog…I didn’t hear him often because I was not really alive, just medicated. I’m sad to think he could telepathically pick up my pain while I had him. He is gone now, at the rainbow bridge. I hope all my crying didn’t make his nervous system shut down so he could no longer walk. Pay attention to your animals they might be the only ones around when your sad.

Anyway…like these men. They make me feel normal.

P.S.

I’m Telepathic, I’m an Empath. I see Visions.

P.S.S.

You can too.

I like to listen to interesting discussions about things people usually don’t talk about.

I just wish I can be reborn and be better educated

so I understand some of what I’m going through.

But I’m grateful for great minds.

Thank You

God

The I AM

and all the other names you go by which must be zillions.