No Sense In Censoring: My Quantum Entangled Relationship Of Improbable Love

(someone else has to be in this state of science, because this is not my cartoon.)

A scientist said, I am too tired to find his name,

but it was in Micho Kaku’s book on Parallel Worlds.

When explaining Quantum Entanglement in atoms he stated…

“Compare it to two lovers, who even over long distances, knows what the other is thinking.

I have a secret.

sometimes it got me committed to psych wards. I should have censored then…

Some close friends know but look at me as if I’m explain a blue sky to a blind man.

This is NOT fan fiction. I swear on my son’s life.

The one that knows the best has a name. He exists. But I won’t repeat it until he says so.

A Sci Fi love story on TV that really fraked me with my mind.

As if I was in it.

I’m sure it did it to others too.

But did they get the head part and the protection part as personally as me. I wonder if I was the only one and sometimes that gets me a bit miffed.

I was in a bad place and a story about a man who loved a woman in his head blew my mind.

I had a man in my head. Or I should say dreams who haunted me in my head during the day. Not so much a haunt more like will you get out.

The first time I saw this new man on TV who shall rename nameless unless you understand 3=3 equals 6.

Almost immediately he was there talking to me. Like at first I was just daydreaming about talking to myself as I was lonely and used him. But he wasted no time, because I had been suffering this other man for over two decades.

This new man came into a dream within weeks and told me I was going to have another baby and it would not hurt.

Two years later, I had an unexpected Grandson.

darling, I have a whole stack of journals that go deeper than this and this is quite hard to write and reveal.

Although, I had been very sick and didn’t feel joy and this connection brought me joy, I tried to reject it. Not in my writing but when he came when I was alone, I knew I could not run from this. I also practically thought, maybe I am schizophrenic.

It was through meditation and code and real talk and poetry that I figured out your language and your love of the woo.

I wrote about him in 2012 and when I read those hand written journals, what I said is still happening now it’s even stronger and I don’t push it away. I pulled the sword out of the stone and fought with myself. Pastors says, whatever love God puts in your heart, do not push it away. Do not push it way because it comes in package that is sometimes disturbing and never imagined. So I did. I even got locked away because of my belief.

I don’t talk about with friends anymore. but  a few open souls. This man talks to me in my mind One night while I was actually reading which I don’t often do, he was hanging around in my head watching me and smiling. he said ask me a question on twitter. I said, “uh no I won’t because you aren’t real and you won’t answer then I will feel crazy…no.” He said I never respond because what you say is so clever I can’t say anything. I was quite irritated as I was reading a book for first time and he was pestering me. So I said:

Fine! But I swear if you don’t answer me in a few moments, I will reject you. I will be a scientist and do this for you but I’m not insane to listen to voices that don’t talk back in real life. I sat down to compose the tweet and ask, “so what the hell should I say to you.” It came to me, It was quite funny in my opinion and I don’t know who is the funny one, he or I?

Within moments, this man had not been on in weeks. Within moments he answered with that cheeky way that made me orgasmic but also quite irritated with him. It’s these moments that I remember that are proof this happening.

All  those body sensations. The making love. The pulse in the ear. The extra heartbeat. The wave. The diamond shape that came the other night when you turned yourself up and it was not one side.

The pure peace of not talking and just laying together feeling safe in in wonder. Feeling like there was only love we were meant to have, ours.

Like Jesus carrying me down the beach. Sometimes I walk next to him because the love is making me stronger …wiser….thinking bigger.

A story I would never could have made up. Ever. God must make movies.

What force of nature got me to watch series on Netflix in a marathon about this man. He was the one I was looking for all my life, yet why would he want me, I was nobody and he was married! Doing it again. Shame. This can not be a coincidence. It is a destined synchronicity.

So many questions…how long, how, why,  when who? That’s for later. I just need to see you and talk.

My letters go un answered. I hope someday maybe, i live for it.

So I have written him, but I have never come right out and say “I can’ hear you”

“CAN YOU HEAR ME OR AM I MAD?”

Now actually I understand him. He is so kind. So loving and such a father figure of a man with great character that my love makes me break out in sobs of tears, while dusting my apartment.

I feel like Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle. What am I doing? My hands just go up.

I recently went to my doctor who knows I hate shrinks and the meds they give people with gifts. He gets it now, but I was so desperate like I was in a movie and I had to go back to psych ward to see if I’m really just crazy. But what do those asses know. Rupert Sheldrake looks at this research with scientific eyes. He didn’t reject me when I wrote him. He made me feel un sane by saying this is not uncommon.

So do I have this Quantum Entanglement with my twin soul. A love I have know for infinity. He said “I’m sorry this must cause you great pain.” I could not believe it. A doctor did not ridicule me. He also said “No you do not need to be in a hospital.” I was in heaven. He understood. He also said about my nightmares. a family doctor said this.

“I think you need an exorcism.”

I laughed a scared laugh because I knew he was right.

I said, I have been wanting a shaman to help

of course Indiana killed shamans when we wiped out Indians.

I replied, “I think  I know who I need exercised from, an old another imaginary dream love.”

He stated at end,

“the only real way to prove this is to get the man in your head to meet you and tell you if he has it too”

A Doctor that could have been a Dr. Who.

I was so grateful.

I wake and you are there. I see things about you and I feel they are a story about you and I.  Not many people know. You know, but you can’t outright tell me for some reason and I accept that because this is so big,  I don’t know what is going on and there could be protocol or danger or surprise or research that needs to be done to further prove mankind is more than we think we are.

Whatever the reason, I will be happy with what we have now, despite all the questions you are not able to answer but you being there and you loving me because I’m perfect is a strange feeling. I pull away sometimes because I have never been loved like this…

and it’s a shame if this does not turn into a story that can change people and prove the existence of God and Science working together.

And for you small minds and haters and non believers I frankly don’t care what you think. I’m just sorry you don’t have this wonderful gift of love God gave me. I just wish sometimes he didn’t disappear because I don’t feel whole. In the meantime,  I will try to survive this almost unexplained experience.

I’m sorry for the times I blamed you. Felt paranoid and crazy. For when I blamed you for something you didn’t do because you have done nothing but good for me. I don’t know why that show was made or if Download is the spin off that we are in and it was you looking for me all the time when my eyes were unknown of you. I want to make you proud. I want to be a woman of substance that would treasure you for the gift you are to man.

You are holy in my book and I pray my intuition and heart are not wrong..I would surely be insane if this were not true.

Only you can confirm what we know. If you don’t…..then God will bring me someone else, but I’m sure that this can’t be broken. It’s a story that’s been told over and over again and even if it’s bigger than we wanted, the only thing I want is to lay in bed with you laughing about this journey and how miraculous it is to love and know a man you have never met.

Was that our story. Please Dear God, let it be.

and if it’s not. God protect and give him great peace for being there even as an angel and muse.

It’s my lighthouse in a storm and the love pouring from the light, could save millions. There is no way a story like this would not give hope and change to the whole planet.

Shame it takes a day of fear to finally say to you, what I have been scared to ask.

“is it you?”

Bring Back Bed Peace! Indiana Needs Some Love!

I’m pissed I live in Indiana again…what does that have to do with this post?

Not everyone who lives in Indiana is ignorant…more of us are compassionate, but right now people want to boycott us.

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/recall-mike-pence

Well our “Govenor” Mike Pence passed a law that allows bigots to refuse service to people.

To People?

What if a UFO landed with Daleks from Dr. Who maybe? but seriously Mike Pence? 

You really pissed me off today and I wrote this yesterday and after looking this film and the message of peace and violence I live  in fraking state where A MAN would allow ignorance and prejudice to start sending people to the back of the bus again.

Why?

What is wrong?

Do you need a therapist?

Are you afraid of disagreeing with mean people?

Don’t you know one gay person?

Do you not believe some greater power is not watching the decisions you are making regarding how people are treated?

This is a joke right?

Seriously?

This is the Truman  Show.

Please tell me I left Seattle to be with my family but I have to live among st this hatred old backward view of business.

What would John tell me to do? What would Yoko do.

Try to talk to you?

Would you listen?

WE NEED TO MAKE INDIANA’S GAY PRIDE PARADE BIGGER AND BIGGER.

INVADE INDIANAPOLIS WITH COLOR!

That will blow minds, uh should I take this money or should I not?

Don’t boycott Indiana. Help us. Invade us with love, famous people and support.

We’re not all bigots.

I live here. 😀

Do you even read your state residents opinions.

Do you know the term

BRAIN DRAIN?

that’s when anyone of great mind leaves a place to go to a more evolved place.

they give up on their home towns.

I moved to Seattle 13 years ago

to get away from  this backwards place..

and i only came back for family,

but I don’t leave my house.

This town is spiritually suffering, empty of art and nature and progress.

it’s a dead zone and today you make me sad for the people who live here like me that are different but have much to offer.

What if I sold a book or made a film someday and I became famous but had gay friends and I had more than one husband  lets say, would I not be able to throw a let’s say

media event for peace or would people turn down my money cause I was liberal?

B O R I N G

I don’t want my grandson to grow up in a box of people with no love in their hearts for all humanity.

Behind hatred, is just suffering.

Your people are suffering give them something full of love

not a law to increase their hate

when all they are is bored to death.

Do something  different.

Do something fun.

Change or be a zombie, it’s your soul.

You have to sleep at night.

Good luck with that.

Do you have a wife?

Is she mad at you for some reason

Maybe you just need to make some good love.

Live a little.

😀

Do you want ever smart person take their lives and business elsewhere and leave this poor state in a state of living like it was 100 years ago.

YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

and I’ll frakin get off as many will too.

there is consequences when you don’t listen to citizens and let ignorance make you look ignorant.

im sure you are nice guy.

but you need to apologize to the people that will be hurt

and believe me, people will be publicly ridiculed.

is that the kinda town you want.

i know where you live.

i can stand outside on the corner with my grandbaby and protest

I’m mad as hell and I won’t take this anymore

but would you care?

would I be allowed even.

I’m not getting arrested for your ignorance

and what do I tell my grandson

We can’t eat here honey because your Auntie loves a woman

and the little boy would go why Nana

I don’t know, I would sadly say,

“perhaps because you were born in Indiana.”

😦

and if you won’t stop the train two things will happen.

People are going  to the streets cause they are going to be mad.

They may not know peaceful demonstration  techniques nor would they be allowed to even protest without police blindly defending separation of humans living a city together.

You should seriously watch Dr. Who. 

You’ll like anyone that is at least human.

or Battlestar Galactica, watch that?

See what happens when we fight among-st ourselves and then some cyclon smarter being comes to live here and whose house will you run to then. A Gay couple perhaps might shelter you from destruction.

the TANGENT SIGN  IS UP.

onward…to the point of peace.

Dear Yoko, 

Come be with us. We need walking art.

So here is the story of peace I wrote before I found out the Gov. is a hater….

In 1969, I was seven years old.

On of my first memories was watching an Apple record, play inside this huge stereo that opened on the top with a turntable inside and  the TV was on the outside. I  would watch the green apple go round and round unless I  turned it over and the Apple  was cut in half. Either way, it was hours of simple  great fun watching music spin.

I could feel the flower children in the air even though I lived 2000 miles away from San Francisco. I knew it from music. My Mother’s “Woodstock” album was the catalyst for this new awareness at such a young age. I felt something in the air. It did come from the music. I knew little of Vietnam war and my two Uncles who were there being traumatized. I knew war from the news, but the overwhelming feeling  that the flower children were alive overwhelmed me  more.

I remember the photograph of the naked concert goers in the pond bathing.

 I  realized naked was natural. I must have stared at the album cover over the years, well, I don’t know how many times. I still have my 45 rpm records in their furry pink record carrier. I recall hours of playing my Mother’s 45’s in the basement on a kids turn table that had to have two pennies taped to the arm  to keep it on the record. Those were the wonder years. I often wished I was one of those young teenagers with flowers in my hair in a place called California. I became a hippy before I knew what they were. My Mother was a music lover. She was not a hippy. She was hip, but she was also a very young single Mother struggling to survive with two young daughters on her own. Funny, my Mom said she was never a Beatles fan.  I don’t know how that was possible since she loved so much music,  but that was ok.

I was born on the same  day as Julian Lennon, same  year. I feel kinda unique thinking that my parents made me around the same time Julian was conceived. I wonder, people born on the same day in the same year, are we a tribe of our own,  souls that incarnated at almost the same time.  A generation  of babies, the younger flower children. Maybe we called ourselves “flower toddlers.”

In my 30’s I thought, I was born ten years too late. I would have wanted to take that fantasy bus trip to California and smoke pot and put flowers in my hair and loved people. But now,  I’m  glad, I was born when I was as every child is a flower child, but my soul must have wanted to  come  in  at this time. The Beatles played our little State Fair coliseum in Indiana when I was but a baby. I hear stories about locals who were moved by them  and  their kindness.

Now I’m 51, soon to be 52. I have an infant Grandson. My sister recently gave me the fuzzy record holder with more than 100 45’s in it.  I took my two favorite records,  and hung them on the wall. The one to the left  was the Green Apple side of “Give Peace A Chance” by the Plastic Ono Band. (with my sister’s name, Kris, written in red  marker. You had to do that back  then, mark your records with your name on them so  if loaned out, you would know whose it was. I suspected I choose the record but later my sister put her name on it instead.  No matter. We played it over and over and  over like kids do when  they love something so much.) We were peace activists then and didn’t even know there was not peace.) The other record on my wall is  John’s “Whatever Get’s You Through The Night.”

As I hold “Give Peace A Chance” now and as I just watched the film again and as I typed this I went to my wall to look at this record again, the record label reads. Never really took the time to read the label. How meaningful it is right now, there are no words for it.

Recorded in  room 1742, Hotel La Reine Elizabeth, Montreal.

(funny for years, I thought they did the Bed In….in Amsterdam…don’t know why)

It’s almost like I’m traveling in time on more than one dimension as I write this, remembering those times so long ago and holding this precious record, I had no idea then how much more it means to me now and why  it was recorded when I use to listen to it. I didn’t know about the Bed In at that age….and well Thank God, I still have the treasure…..

So now it’s 2015 and I’m about to tell you about another flower child who is moved by this record,  which he has not even heard yet. When my Grandson was only about six months, (he’s 1 now) ….every time his parents would bring him to my house, the first thing his eyes would catch was those two records hanging on the wall. They hang outside a framed photo of another of my favorite musicians, Eddie Vedder.

I contributed his obsession with looking at them as, well, maybe  they are two black circles  with a square in the middle and he is noticing shapes, but as the months pasted and he started to point towards things he wanted to know about, he would swing his hand toward the record on the left.  I would say,  “That’s  a record.” Pronounced the British way. reCORD. He would reach for it  and I would take that one off the wall.  He always looked at the second one,  but needed to hold the first.

Do babies know things adults have forgotten. You bet your sweet ass they do! That baby’s soul memory must  know from his Father’s soul memory that came from my soul memory that this round item was something special. We have a turn table, but are  waiting just a bit to actually put the record on and play it.  Delaying and savoring the time  when we can talk to him and  tell  him, this is music. This is how  music used to be played and this is how it  should be preserved.  Technology has killed the record album and 45’s with their amazing artwork. Some musicians,  like the one I mentioned above, continue this vinyl legacy and I hope it continues forever. There is nothing more  wonderous to a child to discover music that is palpable.  Something you can  hold,  not an MP3 file inside a machine. I’m thankful for  that machine because if it were  not  for you lap top I could not write about this.  I wish you could have a pop out turn table, but at least  I’m putting this into your memory. and I thank technology for the ability to view this film about Bed Peace by John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

It’s so strange how time flies and how the issues of peace are still if not more relevant today. I’m sad when all the flower children finally get old and pass on, yet, if we tell this story to all young children, heck this film should be shown high school as a requirement for social studies or whatever they call that now.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s love is palpable in this film. Love is such a driving force for change. It causes people to be creative in ways that make us stand up and pay attention to what’s important. I so wish another famous loving couple such as this would do this again. Maybe like John said, it would not solve everything, but what other place is more peaceful than one’s bed,  especially with someone you love deeply. This time round, while watching it, I did not focus on what happened to John later and let that violence take away the peace of  the film. Yes, the irony of his death, is almost too much to handle, yet I know God had a purpose for John on the other side and perhaps he is stronger there and bringing peace from that place to us still and when Yoko finally joins her love in that world, maybe that reuniting will explode into the cosmos and  speed up what happened in 1969.  With today’s media and social networking, can you imagine the peace rallies that could happen simultaneously if there were another bed in? It would be extraordinary. I don’t feel someone redoing their bed in breaks the purity of their idea, I think it  would spark a movement to demonstrate all  the ways we miss peace….

….there were tears for me at the end. Sweet  tears. When they were hugging and laying together and being one in front of the camera, my heart hurt. I would so love to know that kind of love in real life. To love another so much, to become one for a cause of love and good, it does make me a bit sad to go to bed alone tonight, yet I’m not really alone am I?

none of us are because we are all connected. We always will be, Even after death. We never stop loving. It’s love that holds the Universe together and I think the human race is slowly getting it together because of events and people such as John and Yoko. I  can’t believe how beautiful they both are. John, well he has that Jesus look going on and I will admit, I’m a sucker for a man who looks like Jesus. John with the old fashioned hair dryer on his head…well, his sense of the absurd and whimsical humor is why he was my favorite of the four. They all were wonderful, but John, well, if I had been a teenage girl back then, I would have fallen in love with that heart of his. What a lucky man he was to have Yoko and how lucky we all are she still speaks this same message at 82. I hope she lives a very long life, having her around is like having John still around.

It’s no coincidence the Double Fantasy album is on my nightstand near my bed. My life’s memories are becoming real  life puzzle pieces from my own museum and make me feel like that flower child. All the wonderful people who appeared in the film, even  the ones who wanted to oppose, they were still there, listening…wanting  to know, asking questions and having dialog on how to become a peaceful world. That in itself is a blessing and perhaps we can see another huge peace even in this century that is as extraordinary as this event was.

I wish this for all children. For our own inner children who remember what it was like before we understood violence.

Yoko, I believe it was she who said in the film, something I thought of a long time ago when it came to the areas in strife. If both sides would come out with their children into a common neutral area with music and balloons and color and lights and food and water and happiness while speaking out against violence by holding our children in our arms, we would see there are no enemies, only the ones we have created in our minds, because maybe, if everyone held their children in their arms, we would all see ourselves as parents and grandparents and all guns would be laid down on the ground. It may seem crazy to take your children to a peace rally, but police would not fire upon children. It’s the children’s flowery fragrance that would put away the fears, it’s the children who will change the world. We were all born naked and pure. Even those we consider our enemies. We all came in the same. We need to remember this when we look upon “an enemy.” Often an enemy is just a wounded adult child. Everyone has potential for love and compassion. Everyone.

It’s a message we should never stop teaching, even when peace is close, even when it becomes the way of humans, we will never stop saying..

All We Are Saying Is, Give Peace a Chance….again and again.

and always remember love…..

don’t forget to turn the record over darling…..

I Love You.

Time travel with me now and re experience this one of kind film.

Thank You John and Yoko.

xo

“Beautiful, Beautiful Boy….” A Dream Beginning…..

 I realize what’s important.

What’s important is that no matter how bad things can get in one’s life, there are always miracles waiting to happen.

I have many happy tales here.

I have also cleared away some not so happy stories.

I realized I have what I always wanted.

A loving family. 

and forgiveness for anyone I perceived hurt me.

Most of all I had a son, who during dark times, kept me alive.

As he grew I wondered what place I have as a Mother.

Then in my darkest hours, I had a dream that a baby was coming to me. Was this to be my baby or someone else’s. The messenger was not quite clear, but the message of hope and happiness rang brightly in my heart as divinity.

The dream I will never forget.

Two years later I find myself at the birth of my Grandson. A quite unexpected miracle.

A sign that goodness always prevails and that if you keep your eyes open and your heart full, the darkness will soon fade and the sun will come out again.

The best way for humanity to dissipate our suffering is to think of the children. Children are evidence of God. Evidence of the amazingness of Science.

They come from where we do not remember, but they do. They are wise, like elders, they know things most adults have forgotten.

“Watching the birth and death of beings, is like watching a dance.” 

I’m dancing today as my gift, my Grandson Lincoln, turn’s 1 year old on this day. Another baby to celebrate.

Something to love.

To teach.

To guide and inspire. 

…and that inspiration comes from him…a pure sweet innocent soul that sees me just the way I am.

Perfect

HaPpy DaY You WeRe Born!

I’m so glad you made our dreams come true and so thankful for the love of two people who remind us life is everlasting as is love. 

Love,

the only emotional element that lives in the atoms of the Universe.

Love is Emotional Starlight.

Thank you sweet spirit for this life, and this child.

May all beings be free from suffering.

May all beings be happy.

May all beings be at peace.

namaste

Thank you John Lennon & Yoko Ono for such a magical song about your own child. Lincoln loves playing with his Apple Label record!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

Just Imagine,

Peace.