That Dam Dream Door Bell Won’t Stop Ringing

and this one time…

Dam you subconscious.

All these men I know keep showing up in my dreams, uninvited.

Men I’ve never met who are often well known and/or whom I never think about during the day unless I start dreaming about them and then, I can’t stop thinking about them! This has happened to me since I was a child…but that’s another story.

For a long long time, it was the same guy. Eddie Vedder. He knocked on my dream door while dreaming in London in ’93 and relentlessly, made a couple of  lucid

(weird horn sound like there is a ship coming into port in the parking garage in the building next door?)

Violet Beauregard

“Wonka! What is this? The film “Event Horizon?!”

appearances a year til about 2012 when he stopped showing up because some “new guy” was there. …but that’s another story.

Sometimes my night time visitors are men I have known, but on a purely platonic basis. There I am sleeping, minding my own dam business and for fucks sake, suddenly,  I wake up in my dream and there is this friend trying to woo me.

and that’s pretty dam easy since I have been celibate for 4 years! but that’s another story…

I’m usually confused and overtaken and before I know it, and then….”off he goes.”

One night Deepak Chopra showed up.

That was awkward.

He said it was for spiritual purposes. …but that’s another story.

Oh God…(eye roll)

(stop kissing me on the lips while I write this James! This is about someone else) hmmm-which is why he probably is kissing me it’s not about him. Oh wait. Now it is…shit!

Where was I?

(dam! I’m in the balcony at the Richmond Theater?!) Dam you BAFTA Celebrating Downton Abbey Dammit Liz Trubridge!

Oh…

My sweet Dutch friend whom I let go of long ago, showed up in my dreams last night.

Stop!

(Bart he won’t leave me alone while I try to reminisce about you or maybe it’s some weird spirit guide that gets off on doing impressions of Sci Fi actors. Waaa.

Jesus!? He keeps kissing me!

and he never speaks to me. Who is this doppleganger?

ok, I’m not rereading the rest of this entry because it’s pointless.

I don’t remember if I was talking to my subconscious or to Bart. That kiss has me distracted.

In that dream, it was just an embrace. Yet it reminded me of the last time, before he flew away across the sea 4 years ago. I could smell your shampoo and the texture of your red jumper.

I don’t understand what you are trying tell me Mr. Subconscious. It’s not like I don’t speak t him almost daily. It’s a known that we have moved on and we know we can never recreate that magic that started in 2010 that eventually faded into reality. I am so grateful for the journey with him. Being around him, made me feel ageless. Being around him made me feel unconditionally loved.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be mad about these dreams I don’t ask for. Maybe I can change my perspective when I wake up from a dream where someone is loving me again because it’s atrial fibrillation on my sad lonely heart. To remember happiness so I know my waking self can still feel it and achieve it.

Oh how I loved taking care of him when I could. I hope I made a difference in his life. I hope he always knows how magical wooing was. I will never ever forget it.

but I can’t help the tears upon waking wishing I could touch what I just felt so deeply.

Sadness is so beautiful sometimes.

Like Anthony and The Johnsons.

It is better than an imaginary love. So much better because you don’t have imagine holding them.

So I guess I’m not mad at the thoughts I think when I’m asleep. I’m just made at physics because you can’t hug a dream back. But I can remember the feel of his red sweater and the smell of his hair.

For the the first time in my life perhaps, I am proud of my unconditional love for him even as  he speaks with other women and hopefully someday find a woman that suits him. Someone his age.

Because he deserves to have that for his whole life, not just the part until I pass on.

I hope this makes you feel as snug as a bug in a rug.

Darling, you said you weren’t going to re read this?

Yea right.

…But I didn’t perform any copy editing. 

Close Your Eyes, It’s Too Bright In Here

*Secrets lie within the highlighting

Pills evaporate in a stomach.
All levels level, but looking for a vibration higher
than 5…….

One smokes their stash til a third eye and ear opens.

That long ago feeling returns something should or could never explain

Now becomes explainable and it’s delightful

Then the 10 year familiar feeling of the 
right ear acting up…that pulsating.

So tonight higher than an airplane..

..Eddie sings 
Light My Fire

the doors..amazing
Indigo

… everywhere coming at my forehead
in the flower of our minds..melted together, I know not how..nor can I handle thoughts too big for my size..

I have a crystal for that..multi-colored circles.

Prisms of light float above his head and he adds them to hers..
i bought that for him 

just in case we see each other again. so now he knows. he always knows.. 

Awww, the warm blanket of protection from space…a suit of him to shelter one from 
the cold dark orb that rules the night..tethered to him..

Safe in orbit.

So thoughts go back to…Pulsating again..

I say…
One pulse for yes….
Two pulses for no..
But the thing is that I thought that before i formed sentences in my mind..
..because..
the pulse for yes came as soon as i began the sentence in my mind..

While Robbie’s sound waves came through the left ear which,.
Was previously silent..

Do i dare ask the next question..I thought..known…
it said
Yes, 

just like Yoko said to John…aww to bed in with you..

yes was the answer.. but I didn’t tell you the question.

I said I’m really scared are you just him and with just one breath..
and one pulse it slowly. s

said yes.

The pulse of one transmits the constellation stories again..
soothing me with stars in my mind and some strangeness that one can’t explain..

What would you name that nebula?

waiting now for further instructions..don’t understand what is going on?
but I’m open…tell me more..how close are you really?

am I receiving a transmission from EArth or space?

My Protector

It’s 1965 and a 2 year old little girl lay in her bed. In another room you could hear her parents arguing. Often she would put an extra pillow over her head to drown out the sound she was not familiar with and to keep her own cries from being heard.

She finally fell asleep but into a waking dream.

At first there appeared a funny sound in her right ear. A pulsating, as if the blood was rushing through the veins in her ears. But this sound she thought was different. She thought it sounded funny like a drum, drumming her to sleep. But it was not rhythmic and it was not a drum.

She spoke to this sound. Are you a thing? she said. Yes, something answered with one pulse in the ear. How do I know you are a thing she said. You could just be a sound I think is something. If you are a thing, make two sounds slow. In the child’s right ear two slow pulses were heard.

Who are you? the little one asked. I am your protector. I have come from a far away place that you can’t understand but I’m here to watch over you all your life. The child was confused in her dream and lucid as she was asking so many questions as two year olds tend to do. How are you saying this to me now without making that sound? she said. My voice is inside your dream now. I have a story to tell you said the something.

Can I see what you look like the child said. Yes, but you must promise not to be afraid. I won’t she said. In her dream a strange thing was walking across her front lawn in the dark. It was a shiny metal rod. It’s feet, hands and head were just metal balls. It had no face but it walked funny and left little lightening streaks in it’s path across the yard.

You look funny she said. What’s your name? said the something. My name is Deuphoria she dreamed proudly. But Daddy calls me Dew like on leaves in the morning. That’s a lovely thing, the thing said. What is your name? asked Dew. My name is something. Hi something she said. Nice to meet you. Your are a very polite girl for being so young it replied. Why? she said. Because you are special, it said.

I have come to visit you in this dream to give you a message. You must listen carefully it said. Before you were born you had a best friend on our planet. A little boy that God made just for you and you just for him. You were both meant to come back to Earth at the same time. You are known as indigo children. Children like you have special gifts that can help the world and we are giving you Earth mommy and daddies to help you live here. There is only one more child like you, that is your best friend.

Where is he? I want to see him. she said. That’s the problem said the something. Our machines got broken and you were sent to Earth too fast. He can’t come to earth for nine more years until we fix it.  You were meant to come to Earth and play hide and seek. What do you mean? she said. People who love each other like to play games. You and he were going to be born on the same day in different places and we were going to help you find each other again. The rule of the game is that you can’t remember your looking for him. I don’t understand said Dew. How will I find him if I don’t know he is playing hide and seek with me?

Watch for the magic things, the something said. We put an extra special way for us to talk to you before you were born. You will understand later. Don’t worry now. As you grow you will start to have a knowledge that there is a special boy you are looking for. I will give you a hint the something said with a twinkle in it’s metal face,

You will first remember you looking when you see a cute boy on TV who makes you laugh. You don’t have to worry about anything. You just enjoy playing the game. I have to go now. Just remember you are looking for Prince Charming from Cinderella, like the books your mom reads to you. When you feel that magic twinge in your heart you will know you are on the right path. There will be scary things that make you forget this ever happened, but you must promise to remember you are an indigo child and you are made of magic.

The something faded away and Dew finally fell into a deep sleep with no dreams. She woke the next morning and told her mommy about the funny thing that had talked to her the night before, but her mom could’t listen because she was crying because Daddy was yelling.

Two years passed and one day she saw this show on TV called The Monkees. She was mesmerized by it. There was one cute petite British boy she seemed to pay particular attention to. His name was Davy Jones. At 4 years old, little Dew started looking for her Prince, not even remembering the something that told her there would be magic signs to watch for. Every episode she would stand within inches of the TV, feeling something that not too many 4 year olds feel. Romantic love.

On her 5th birthday her mother bought her the first 45 she ever owned. “Daydream believer” by the Monkees. Her parents had the old fashioned stereos with TV’s in the front and a turntable hidden in the top. She would put the record on and stare for hours and hours watching the label turn round and round. She imagines Davy would wait for her to grow up so he could be her hide and seek buddy, but somehow in her tiny mind, she knew that was impossible. This was to be her first love that she would never meet. But this wasn’t bad news for she had been given a purpose to find the one and even though she didn’t know it now, there were be many impersonators. That was her quest.

And years from now would anyone really remember such an event at an early age. She slept until she was three.

 

I Cut My Lip On A Cloud While I Slept With You

A bird is tweeting at a cloud outside the window, next to my bed. I must be awake.

I had the strangest dream. There was a man, An indigenous and beautiful young man that appeared in my vision last night. He came to me while I rested in a center for care. He was a great man and had already fell in love with me before I met him.

We left the Earth together for a moment and suddenly his face changed to another beautiful man. One I don’t know, but one feels like one knows.

I’m sorry if you don’t know this feeling.

So just as this beautiful new face appeared in my dream, my phone text alert went off. My waking mind just knew it had to do with the man I had just seen.  A man I don’t know saying something from a  space too complicated to explain. It felt like synchronicity. I looked at my hand to make sure I was awake. I looked at it again. It was still my hand. So, yes I was awake. I woke up shaky and sorta sad from not saying goodbye in the dream.

I walked to the bathroom mirror and noticed I had cut my lip while dreaming. That’s like getting your tongue burned from clotted cream on your scone. Wtf?

I wish I could enter my dream magic into a super organic shaman computer and ask….Who are these unknown but known souls to me? Why do they come? Why did they sometimes come out of  a TV? Are there living angels?

I have no idea what I’m talking about is the problem.

What is it that creates life really? I’m sure it’s not TV. I know it all comes from love. Simply love.

Does anything understand what I mean? It’s hard to have something in your head, where there are no  ____ to express it. Is there a mathematical equation I should have learned. The wisdom I have gained however is that it’s never wrong to love.

Never.

Does anything understand what I mean?

Computer needs more information:

Who are you?!

An organic computer. 🙂

Can you make any sense of this?

Yes.

Ok. So what the frak is going on?

Enter Destination Name:

I don’t understand?

Think of a destination name.

Uh..ok. Well there is this one place.

Enter Destination Name:

sweetbabyjamescallisland

Enter User Name: 

 @Yet Another Atom

Enter Secret Code:

 3.1415926535898

See. Easy as Pie.

I see.

Second Secret Code:

I feel naked.

Your Dog’s Name?

What!!??

I’m running low on psychic fuel here!

For Your Security.

Well, since you put it that way….

Your Dog’s Name?

 Rocket

processing……please enjoy the silence.

data received.

I am in love with you and do you want to get out of here?

What???

Are you talking to me?

Yes.

ENTER!

Incoming Transmission of Unknown Origin

……………………………….

Outgoing Transmission of Known Origin

……………………………….

Transmission Went Home To Smoke A Joint and make a video.

https://www.vimeo.com/93087003