(It is difficult to talk about trauma and even harder to type it out. Thus why this may read badly)
Firstly I would say you have been the most decent psychiatrist I’ve had. You are kind, cooperative and open. It’s taken a long time to get to this high level of health (other than psychiatric drug side effects)
Thank you. I would like to continue to see you as I feel respect for you, despite the things I will question in this letter. I hope this will help me express my feelings since I have so little time in session with you.
I’m very puzzled why my diagnoses has changed from bi polar to Schizoaffective psychosis. I saw the new label on the blood work paper you sent.
Unless it was just a typo, which means, I should stop typing now.
I felt safe mentioning my interest in telepathy because you thought taking psychic development classes was a good idea when I mentioned it. You actually encouraged it. I even jokingly ask “so I’m not schizophrenic or anything?” (Loss of personal power) and your reply was “no.” I was surprised and happy you said this. You seemed to have an open mind and because of this I took it a tiny bit further and spoke on telepathy. Believe me, I’ve learned to censor myself with past Drs because they misunderstand my life. After seeing you for two years, I felt you were more open. Like synchronicity. Coined by Carl Jung. I’m interested in these unexplainable things that happen to me since I was child and never has it caused my quality of life to suffer.
This telepathic feeling started 8 years ago at 49 and believe me, I’ve documented it as a researcher would. I was not on meds most of my life and I was not then. If you could spend more time talking to me, maybe at least 30 minutes, compared to the 5 minutes you give me, you would know that I don’t take myself that seriously, Of course “normal” society will always laugh at someone who says this, as does psychiatry see it as delusions and diseased. I don’t always believe I have telepathy, it just happens sometimes like deja vu. That’s not a mental condition is it?
I actually I spend more time doing other things in my day, then lay around talking to someone who is not there. (Which I still do at times in meditation)
I care for my elderly Mother, I care for my little Grandchildren. I write, I have journaled everything that has happened to me since 1994. I have a blog with over 200 essays, much about the trauma from this profession has done to me. I like to think I can experimenting and think on unusual events. It’s my brain after all. What I do with it and how I think and imagine is not a disease unless it’s causing me suffering. I’m a Buddhist. I know about suffering.
Drs make me suffer.
I even Volunteered for years distributing items for needy Mothers no did I go around telling my clients what’s in my mind. Isn’t that sanity?
I do have some sort of telepathy but it does not control my life. I’m too self aware and intelligent to do that because it does feel crazy. I make up my own mind when I choose to be interested in something. It’s a fringe hobby, sometimes it’s real. I still hang out with friends and learn about physics, something I wish I was smart enough to study in University. Why your profession is not investigating this instead of drugging people, you may a grander profession working with something new.
Regardless Who why have changed my label? ……And without discussing it with me? I’ve never asked about this new label. It might have been a mistake on paperwork.
I’ve carried the stigma of bi polar from when I was misdiagnosed in 03. Something you have refused to understand about me. When I start talking about it I am always interrupted.
I’ve been wrongly labeled for 17 years and now the whole medical system will see me as schzoaffective disorder. I will be further stigmatized. Even the government sees this label. It’s just a label some would say. It is not. It’s not private. It goes everywhere. Even if you want a job. I do not want attending a psychic development class or my interest in mediums (some are friends) to stamp a label on my head as a delusional person. I’m not a disease.
Is someone mentally ill if they talk to Jesus or pray or believe in chakra healing?
Where does this stop?
This is all subjective.
I’m looking for that kind of Dr. that can weigh the patients sane behavior against the DMVS or whatever that book is called, which by the way is the most dangerous book on the planet. Labeling every human trait as illness.
When I saw that label it hurt me to the core and further added more shit onto of my trauma. It underpins everything about me.
It attacks my faith.
My intuition and my believe in myself.
My self confidence.
It honestly made me feel extreme hopelessness. That no one is listening to me.
I feel like I’ve been bullied by every other terrible Dr. I’ve come in contact with. Triggering. The idea that someone I trusted told me I was not really me. I’m not your other patients. You realize I’m intelligent mentally. You’ve called me very self aware. What you don’t know about is me is that I’m actually a skeptic of telepathy.
There much research being done all over the world on telepathy. There is a whole new group of scientist looking at telepathy and other psychic abilities. Not everyone who is psychic is psychotic. I know a group of a least 50 men and women who attend Progressive Spiritualist Church. A Christian church full of mediums. Many are older than I. The advice I’ve received when I took classes with them was
‘always listen to your intuition.’
Your inner knowingness. I was not taught to hear voices and I never have in my life. Never! But you don’t know that. You are just comparing me to other patients as you do them to me.
(the next part of the letter may not read well because it’s to hard to correct or re read stories of the horrible things that is happened to me. I apologize if it’s not correct)
I also was never diagnosed with anything until the bad thyroid mess in 2003 at 40, where I was misdiagnosed bi polar in 15 minutes in an ER. No blood work. No medical history. Later I found the bottle of thyroid medication I took two weeks before the ER visit. It showed a mistake made by a local clinic where they changed my dosage. I had a thyroid storm going on. I did not know this at the ER. I took them for 8 years. Not being able to get off cold turkey.
I got off meds on my own in 2011. It was hell but I got through withdrawal to go back to the real me. I was fine for two years, when I had a bladder condition that put me in the ER at St. Vincent’s. They put me on morphine due to the pain but started talking about the fact i was bi polar. (unaware, all the while I had interstitial cystitis) No family member was there to advocate for me.
I woke up drugged on the floor in the stress center for my bladder and they forced drugged me. No Dr. is horrified by my story. No one cares. Psychiatry has harmed me. This is my history, the worst thing in the world that has happened to me. To be pushed around by bad Drs. Years of this. 17 years. You wonder why I have anxiety? PTSD from health care that was suppose to help me. But this new diagnoses is another “rape” of my mind and who I feel I am. Like during that visit was screaming in pain because I needed bladder procedure. I laid on the floor of a room crying when some Dr. apparently not a Urologist said to me.
“Take your pants down and spread your legs.” He was halfway across the room and I thought why do I have to take my pants down? Bladder condition is invisible. You can’t see bladder unless you have the procedure I needed. He looked at my genitals from 6 feet way “Everything looks fine to me.”and left. ? Please try to imagine your patient having this happen to her?
It is very very difficult to write about an extraordinary spiritual experience in your life that can’t really be explain by grouping letters.
What does this animation have to do with what I’m about to say? 
Science Goes On - A Blind Date With God 
You must be logged in to post a comment.