When A Fetus Grows In A Mystic Spiral Symphony

“If we don’t sustain this tuning, if we don’t make the right sounds, the world will fall apart.”

Using sound as a form of healing has been around for thousands of years. In my own battle with depression I have gone to medication again and again with disastrous results. Due to geography, I am not able to access the healers I require. Jill Purce is one of those healers. I find people like Jill through synchronicity and ran upon this video of her about a year ago.

You know when you watch someone and what they say makes you have goosebumps because they resonate that which your soul needs. During the video on about chanting, I thought I noticed she was possibly pregnant and the whole time I found it hard to be present (something) she talks about, because I kept wondering, what would be the effects of chanting while developing in the womb. It must be, well, heaven. Her children must be so lucky to have her as a Mother. Plus she named them Merlin and Cosmo. How cool is that?

So watch the video and I will continue with my thoughts. 🙂

When it comes to my depression, as she speaks about the elderly patients with dementia, I knew that feeling because I have seen it in psych wards where we are all drugged up and no one feels anything. I think back on my last hospitalization knowing I should not have been in there, knowing I was so drugged that I could not cry to think about how lovely it would have been to have seen a Jill Purce come into the ward for therapy. Alternative therapy is what we need for healing. All kinds of healing. Not just mental health. Mental health seems to be especially perfect for chanting in my humble opinion because it does put us in the now.

Many people like myself living with PTSD, which I don’t like to label myself that, but I do so others can identify, many of us can be triggered by a word. Like she said in the video, “mountain” can represent a bad memory of yesterday when we missed an appointment with someone on a hill. For me sadly, a band I loved, that got me through a bad mental health time is associated with that now. I hope someday that heals, ironically that does not mean I give up on music. More on that below.

Back to development in the womb. I think the state of mind our Mothers were in during our beginnings is crucial to who we are now. I don’t know if it’s fixed forever, but certainly it makes up our beginnings. I think I read in India, pregnant women are kept away from frightening things because they don’t want the Mother upset as to upset the fetus. That sounds wonderful to me. During the video I felt as though Jill may have been pregnant. I know both of her sons are musical, but one in particular is doing almost the same work as his Mother.

She speaks about sound at the cellular level. I wish I knew what a fetus’ cells looked like from a Mother who lived in war zones as opposed to Mother’s living in Kauai on the beach surfing everyday. Maybe science could show this to politicians and that would stop war?

I know the work on water and Dr. Emasaru Emoto’s work on The Hidden Message in Water and how thought’s can affect water is along the same lines in science. Sound and thoughts affect us, those around us, our subtle bodies and the world. We are all connected.

On another subject, (you never know which way I will be flowing)

The spiral.

I have been drawing Archimedean spirals since I was a child. Of course I didn’t know what it was until I found about the spiral being an ancient symbol. I just thought it was an ancient

Petroglyph

on cave walls and I liked southwest design. I made a video on the spiral. It’s pretty simple but you can watch or not watch whatever.. I made it before I got Jill’s book.

My headboard has an archimedean spiral on it, but I thought I should be more evolved and I needed more room to grow so I created a logarithmic spiral on my wall. 🙂  Get Jill’s book The Mystic Spiral. It’s a very interesting read with beautiful illustrations.  Here is a documentary she made about the mystic spiral which is really quite religious, which I prefer spiritual, but she is the kind of people I would like to be around.

Since I can’t travel to London to have healing sessions with Jill, (my parents always laughed when I sang, but now I think I can sing because I have listened to Eddie Vedder’s baritone for so long I think I know my range. :D) but I would like to study with her. If even for a day. I feel shy to chant. Even alone. I think listening to myself feels strange. I think that must be a hurdle to overcome for most beginners. Especially for those with mental illness. It has to do with loving yourself and accepting yourself and not labeling yourself and well basically being in the now, which is so hard to do as we are always so traumatized about living in the past or future.

So many so called “normal” people are actually worse at it. So who is really sick here? I think wanting healing is the actually healing.

Her husband Rupert Sheldrake is also a huge inspiration as the work he does and the books he has written for example “The Sense of Being Stared At” and his researched have helped me feel not so crazy. I wrote him once on my psi experiences and it was very difficult to share because if you tell a psychiatrist these things they call you delusional. His research assistant wrote back and thanked me for sharing and acknowledged how hard it must have been to tell my story to strangers. That healed me.

Her son, Cosmo Sheldrake is a joy to watch. He brings a very childlike vibe to music.. Music is very healing for me. I’m almost obsessed with keeping music on at all times that often I forget to be silent. I guess learning to chant would be good for me. He reaches a very deep tone somewhere after 41 minutes that really resonates with me.

I will admit I have a bit of crush.

I just love the whimsical style of his videos. All Cosmo’s videos are very organic. This is a live one.  I dream someday to have my Grandson in on of his workshops.

I love the Sheldrake family. You might say, I have adopted them, they just don’t know it. Maybe now they do. 🙂

A Soul Mate’s Secret Knock

Today was a wonderful day compared to the entry a few days ago while on medication. I felt like I could feel nothing.

“He” was not there.

“God” was not there.

“Creativity” was not there.

and I was out of medical marijuana and without that for depression I am lost to the wind.

I did stop the anti psychotics 24 hours ago. My body swelling has gone down and my mind is sharper. I am however still experiencing blurred vision. I managed to write a rage piece in this blog which for me was really good since writing has bee very hard for me for a long time. I have been censoring some feelings. I feel freer to express those now without shame thanks to a friend.

The story was about being in hospital and it purged the anger of why it happened again to me.  Since I stopped the medication the night before, my mind had ideas, I could think and I found a bit of weed to help it along. It was fueled by sheer outrage that it keeps happening to me.

I will never take dangerous anti psychotics again.

under God’s protection, this I swear for my own health and well being.

but hey God,

dude,

Sir,

Like you gotta help me with this other problem and you know what it is I speak about. This blog is bleeding with it.  How about feeding my heart now. I’ve had enough of darkness ya know? Stuff, where like, I have to keep reliving the same crap and you promise me love and Prince Charming if I do these things then I find him in mysterious was and we can talk in weird ways and you promise and promise but nothing happens. Where do I go from here?

Where do my “boys” come into this tale? This blog is a juxtaposition of two worlds. The reality of dealing with a mental illness and a label and trying to understand Quantum Physics when you are a C student so you can find your soul mate you’ve been looking for for 52 years because you can blame it on Disney movies.

I don’t want to go to bed. I want him in my head.

Is he busy?

Does he not really love me?

He said it was fine to write it all out without guilt, so where do I go from here. Where ever does he go when he goes away? Or do I go away and forget and he is always here and it is just logistics that cause problems like time zones and sleep etc..etc…

He never says he can hear me in writing though? hmmmm? I wonder why. Do you know? I have run my own rational science experiments on this situation in three years and some results have been astounding. I’m not going to broadcast that on Twitter, but still. I like him, but God, what gives. Is this your doing? Like when my ears change and then I think of him and I smile and then my right ear goes off and it starts talking to me in pulses. Sounds crazy to reader it’s normal to me. That’s how it started. We have progressed to a much deeper less primitive communication that often I misread. There is always the fall back to that when I cry or when he interrupts me reading or doing things he is proud of me doing.

I’d call it my

“soul mate’s secret knock“

🙂

I confess in a message to him basically from my heart which was from You and poured my sheer truth out and still although so kind, he never said a word about the other dimension he dwells in with me. So do I dwell there alone? God, am I crazy or just misguided? I think this must be some kind of silly gag I agreed on before I was born. Ha ha.

Am I doing something wrong?

Have I convinced myself of something that is not there?

I just heard him say

(“write: should I write this journal entry in my blog as part of my story and real life happy struggles?”)

I guess it’s fear that it’s not happening and I’m foolish or perhaps I have the wrong man associated with a wonderful feeling. Maybe it’s two taking care of me in two different ways. My body vibrates three different ways at times when I’m feeling good. (just now a pressure change in my ears which he is thinking of me or getting closer)

I don’t know anything really about Quantum Entanglement, I just throw the term around because I dig the way it sounds. But if atoms can entangle why can’t souls before birth? Just wondering.

Have I wished this? what ever “this” is into existence?

Are we spirals affecting the environment?

One might say

“Yes Darling, every single spiraling word…”

I’m not suppose to tell you this, but the gentleman I refer to here is James Callis.

When Light Workers Lights Go Out

This is a post from a group I belong to that supports people who are empaths and light workers. It felt appropriate for this blog…..

Hello fellow light workers…

I need to share. Feeling spiritually drained today, which lately is rare. I have come into my psychic abilities very fast, over the last three years. I struggled with a mental illness label for 20 years because of the things I said to shrinks, which got me drugged because I believed them. I know as a child I have spirit guides and non Earthly beings watching over me. I had synchronicity very young and it has increased exponentially over the last 4 years as I weaned myself quite horrifically off the bad meds that kept me from being the empath I am.

Awaking to this ability to channel an entity has caused me to question myself in the past that I was schizophrenic. I have accepted this now and have a story about it as well.

The challenge I have is that I’m alone, which in a way is good. No one else can be around me as I open up. My family is basically evil and does not see me heart. My son who is 22 has my 1yr old grandson. I am very very sensitive to babies and taking good care of these new souls. I find that my wisdom and compassion is greatest around children. but when i watch my grandson at their house, I get very upset. They are smart good loving people but don’t know what us that had children so long ago know. They are just young and will find their way, but I keep reminding them how important these first five years are. Sometimes my son hears me. They are often so busy when baby is awake, there is not as much one on one with him as I have observed. But all parents learn.

When I’m with the baby alone, he is actually communicating with me. He often sees my psychic struggle even when I’m not showing it, which i never do in front of the child…..and I feel like he is from somewhere else.

Last night there was an incident that upset me. My son came over to visit which was lovely, just the three of us. But he was on computer most of time and that bothers me. We tood a walk down to the lake and that was lovely. Just being in nature with my son and his son. I try not to give advice unless I see for instance the baby has diaper rash bad and I have to remind him of how to keep that at a minimum. I don’t preach, I just observe. My son is peaceful and non confrontational, but his fiance is 18 and still a child herself and did not have the guidance from her parents so I understand.

So anyway, he said, would you like to come back to house and sit while I’m working and his fiance went out with friend. I always say yes because I’m filled with light being with this child. He brings me up when I’m down. I like helping them with laundry and keeping house. That’s what Mother’s do for their adult children sometimes. I enjoy feeling needed.

There is a quick I often laugh about with them…They only have two bottles.( why? it boggles the mind, not like they can’t buy more) Mom is trying to make baby a toddler before his time. At night, when I’m with him, I put him down by rocking him with bottle til sleep. This is the precious time of the day with a child. I think they missing it. They have a rocker, but have not put it in room. So I have stand over bed with bad back rocking him and singing. I don’t believe in letting a baby cry himself to sleep. Some people do.

After they were gone, I could not find the two bottles. The baby was restless and tired and hungry and started to get upset. I could feel the situation was out of my control and looked for over 30 minutes with crying child trying to find one bottle.

I text my son, cause he was out of minutes, and I’m not allowed to call Mom’s cell phone because her family dislikes me and they blocked my number a year or so ago and she still has same phone. I ask my son to ask mother to call because baby was in distress. She took an hour to call.

So I had to lay him down without bottle because he was so tired and let him cry for a bit. Which is what my son told me to do, because he could not figure out where bottles were from work. This type of energy immediately drains my soul. I thought maybe he will go to sleep in a bit, but that bit lasted 45 minutes off and on. I was trying to communicate how desperate I was with son in text and that is just not the way the world should be. I needed to speak with him and got frustrated and got quite impatient and a bit angry with my son, which I despise doing because I was raised that way. How can you let this happen? Why do you leave me in this situation and mostly your child?…where I have to try to sooth a hugry child,  I can’t. He said, just give him sippy cup. As if I had not tried that. I’m 52. I just throw the phone to the floor and lay in dark kinda not there praying the baby would finally sleep.

Another text from my son, “don’t question my parenting” ???

I was stuck in the heart chakra. I raised my son as a baby like he was a precious angel I would never have let him self soothe and not only that, he and she and many (young) people have no respect for the wisdom of elders anymore. Especially their own parents, who you would think once they have kids, help them understand you as a Mother to them….

I let my son be an adult, when it comes to the welfare of my grandson, I would hope that my loving son would listen to helpful hints on how to do it right. How to make sure a child feels safe when he cries out  that someone will come. How to not raise a frightened and abandoned child. I’m not saying they are, what I’m saying is that they are missing the spiritual component of making that child the center of attention when he is awake and doing your own things when he sleeps.

What I do remember is that when I went in better prepared in energy to pick up baby, we lay down on bed and HE comforted me. He was looking right into me. He was saying, Nana, I know your pain. Nana, I use to be your Nana. I’m back to remind you of your divinity and don’t worry about my parents who don’t get it yet, I choose them. It was heaven. (now i’m crying). Immediately he started doing funny things to my face as he lay on me. He was fine. I was not. He made me laugh. Sticking his fingers in my mouth and giggling. We feel asleep and it was wonderful having something love me lay on me and sleep.

When baby’s Mom came home, I said nothing about bottles but she began to look around. I just did not want to make her defensive so I left, kinda happy I was there for baby, but a bit broken and unheard. Like my voice is not there. So it is what it is…but I knew going home to my lonely place, I may end up in dark space.

I came home and my old habits of my behavior when I was under a shrinks care, came back. I forgot my light inside. I felt unheard. Like we are healing the planet but some can’t hear our love and sometimes they are our own family. My Mother is abusive and my sister allows it. So I only have my son and Grandson.

I took three times the anxiety meds that are used only rarely for panic attacks, and this morning I’m deadened to spirit. It’s what I call The Black Curtain. You can’t find yourself. I am against pills the only reason I keep these benign ones, is to keep me from going to an ER and admitting myself to a psych ward, when I feel things that get too intense.

But still, my spirit guide was not with me when I could not control the bottle situation. I wondered,,,where are you? why do you leave me when I’m in the middle of giving care and something almost evil stops me. (Maybe it does not leave, I just an too upset to hear) …that’s when I went back to the old ways, before I knew my true self and just took three times the dosage of a pill I rarely need, to almost punish me. I knew I would just sleep longer and would wake up hung over. I can see the behavior, and I’m thankful those days are over. Why take a pill when you can just cry it out, because taking the pill does not take away the pain, it delays it.

I don’t know where I was going with this post, or why I needed to share, it’s just that sometimes, when we wake up to who we are, it can be scary. Especially when it only seems to come in when one is balanced. I feel everything deeply. The suffering of others, the world, the creatures, me. The gift of an empath I guess.

My existential angst is; who is there to help me when I’m off alignment and even meditating seems flattened. When I get lost inside. I don’t believe in demons, but when telling my family doc about my gifts he listened and believed me. He did say in a joking way about the pain I endure from abandonment since childhood, that I need an exorcism. We laughed, but inside I almost felt like, yeah, I have some pretty horrible trauma, that often blocks my psychic abilities and the fear I will turn into my own psychologically abusive Mother, no matter how much I fight it. I don’t think so though, I was a good parent because of the crap I endured when I was young. I broke the cycle. But did I on myself? I give all my love away and save none for me sometimes.

I protect myself everyday with healing light, but stuff still gets in. But that baby, who just came from another dimension, I want to be with him all the time and teach him, but he is not mine and I’m lonely, single and wish I could start again, with the gifts I have in consciousness now. I look forward to the days when I will teach him mindfulness and magic and believing we are all connected. for now I have to let go.

Sorry this was so long. Thank you for reading.

Namaste.

ps. How do some psychics not go crazy first before they figure out what they are doing?

pss. When I woke, I said “Help.” Anne Lamott says there are only three prayers; Help, Thank You and Wow. I said help and within 15 minutes a man dressed quite nicely with two children came to door. He ask about how residents of our community could stop violence. I said “help the ones doing the violence because they are suffering and we are not helping the fragile, weak and forgotten and do not remember the teachings of Jesus.” He agreed and gave me a pamphlet on on how to read The Bible which I just started doing again. I dusted it off and found a page turned down I never turned down. It was from the book of Acts. I thought, this must be God helping me hear him better. I was grateful with tears.

things are never as bad as we feel them.

Rupert Sheldrake & Deepak Chopra Are An Inspiration To Me

No need to explain.

I named this blog in 2012 God Goes On A Blind Date with Science.

But Then I changed it to Science Goes On A Blind Date With God.

Same difference.

Found this and realized I’m not so crazy.

I do understand some things essentially.

 

Wish I had heard  of Dr. Sheldrake’s research about dogs and telepathy. If I only knew then what I did know then. Poor dog…I didn’t hear him often because I was not really alive, just medicated. I’m sad to think he could telepathically pick up my pain while I had him. He is gone now, at the rainbow bridge. I hope all my crying didn’t make his nervous system shut down so he could no longer walk. Pay attention to your animals they might be the only ones around when your sad.

Anyway…like these men. They make me feel normal.

P.S.

I’m Telepathic, I’m an Empath. I see Visions.

P.S.S.

You can too.

I like to listen to interesting discussions about things people usually don’t talk about.

I just wish I can be reborn and be better educated

so I understand some of what I’m going through.

But I’m grateful for great minds.

Thank You

God

The I AM

and all the other names you go by which must be zillions.